America's Next Top Bellend

Now just ten minutes ago I was browsin' the new material from Pruane2Forever - praise be to him, for he curates the shiny black box at the centre of the internet - and his newest video involves him complaining about one Justin Bieber: apparently some whiny, irritating kid who has a music video. I'd never actually heard about him, but just type 'j' into the Youtube search bar and his video 'One Time' is the first to come up. Watching it, I could barely believe my eyes. America, I applaud thee, you have done it again. You've once again shat out another waste of blood and organs with a proposed veneer of 'talent', where in fact he's some pampered middle  class swaggering cunt who acts in his video as if he knew Usher as a 'homie'. 

He spends the whole video 'partying' with 'chicks' - kudos if you notice they're drinking soft drinks - and throwing embarrassing hand signals in an attempt at being gangsta, but instead looking like what Eminem would have been if he was brought up in Eaton. He seems to have some attraction to some hideous open-mouthed dribbling whale-rodent, at whom I was simply begging for Chad Warden to shout 'MEXICAN ASS NIGGA', until she looks at her Baby-G watch (she's stuck in the 90s too) and has to leave, and he's all :(. His sadness brings him to violently carve the words 'Waan Taaaaam' into your brain with the rusty scalpel that is his voice, as if the words actually have any relevance to his feelings. Maybe he should respond more to his early feelings about his actual sexuality.

Strangely enough, 'One Time' is an incredibly suiting song title, as indeed this WILL be the 'One Time' he is ever going to get anywhere. Does he genuinely think that just because he has a ponsey cute face that 13 year old Jonas Brothers fangirls can drool over he will actually get anywhere? This is the Western music industry. If you're mainstream, it doesn't matter if you're good or not, in fact most of the time it's the shit ones that actually make it somewhere. I can only hope his dimwitted producers decide to leave him on the roadside of the highway sooner than later.