Requiem For Inter-Galactic Lovin'

Oh, as I walked those badly decorated and slightly bloody hallways,
I heard a banging noise,
Feeling a solemn patch of lump in the bottom of my pantaloons,
I did venture toward it,
To see a monstrous shape much like the bastards I dismembered previously
I raised my generic space tool,
Which doubled as an alien killing machine at the thing,
And I pulled the trigger, but no, Isaac would not shoot the thing in the shadow, and I doth not know why.

I tried many a time, day and night, month and year, despite Deadspace only arriving today,
But yet, no success became onto me.
Isaac, the bell end, would not shoot him, beseeching to me not a reason.
Why, oh why Isaac, must you torture me so?
I only wished to survive the nightmarish campaign with clean pantaloons and a fresh look on life,
But yet you insist to not shoot the thing making a banging noise against the wall.
What have I done to thee, to make thee so wrathful and hatred of plenty upon me?
But then, a thought came to me, the thing making a banging noise, it has not tried to place it’s claws around my face, or suck on my neck, so maybe it is hibernating?

Many a thought crossed my mind,
All of which equally logical and likely.
Do huge aliens with claws masturbate,
and if so, why would it do so in my prescence?
If huge aliens with claws masturbate,
Why would they do it up against the wall?

Do walls turn them on?

If huge aliens with claws masturbate,
Where is their penis located?
So many questions, so little answers,
But most of them consisting of masturbation.

The banging started getting faster and faster,
And the lump in my pantaloons now turned to my front side,
Maybe inter-species love is how it was meant to be?
Maybe me and huge aliens with claws’ love was meant to be free?
Oh how I longed to be with that alien, banging against that wall.
As I moved closer, inch by inch, to that gently rocking alien with claws,
I could feel the love springing forth, bringing us together for eternity,
Forever to be, huge alien with claws and me.

But then as I finally drew near to the alien, I was shocked, horrified, mortified, adjectivied,
To realize that not only did I not know what the sprint button was,
But to realize that it was not an alien. BUT A MAN.
The urge to take a cold shower took over as I stared the man in the face as he rocked back and forth,
Smacking his head against the wall.
Oh, forgive me would be alien, I was young, I was angry, and so,
I willed his head to explode, so that the gods may take his non-masturbating-alien soul away,
And then, with a bang, it did.

Also it turned out he was totally mutilated.