It's Like They All Say, If You Censor Something Too Much, It'll Become Nothing/A Perfume Advert

Okay, I’ve been deceived, I’ll admit. When I started college, I knew I would do biology and maths, but was hard pushed for another subject, and seeing as I hate every subject ever invented it was a mere case of the lesser evil. So some smart-arse teacher came up to me and said ‘Hey why don’t you try out communications, it’s this great new subject that fuses things like sociology, media, and psychology into one super awesome subject!’ … I will never again say to someone ‘That sounds like a good idea’.

When the rare occasion arises that I actually listen in the lesson and NOT want to slit my throat, it strikes me more than ever of how censored everything is. An advert containing a black man will be labeled ‘racist’, because it’s just so stereotypical for a black man to have black skin, the filthy conformist (the adjective of ‘filth’ was not intended to be a pun on the colour). You can’t make an advert with a muslim because they’re ALL re-incarnations of Muhammad therefore cannot be shown, ever. Heck, you can’t even rip it out of the smurfs these days. Not only that, but it’s not just racial awareness they’re picking on, apparently, according to the censoring office, or whatever office that’s filled with control-freaking fuckwits, we actually listen to every advert and care about it so much we have to do whatever it says WITHOUT ANY EXCEPTION. WHAT’S THAT? I HAVE TO GO BUY A TAMPON? EVEN THOUGH I’M PROBABLY A MAN? I’LL BUY 10 JUST IN CASE.

Now we all probably remember Tony the Tiger, the over enthusiastic tiger that loves watching children swim and has somehow replaced his crack cravings with Frosties. You know, the one who always says Frosties are great? Well, USED to say, apparently that’s too ‘influential’ and ‘simply wrong’, so now he likes to proclaim Frosties are GREEEEEAAAAAT. Somehow, they’re two very different things, and fuckwit office think it’s a brilliant change and is no longer influential. Because, you know, kids don’t understand what words mean if you make them longer. Thusly why the whole ‘ Force-feed yourself SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT’ campaign never got anywhere.

Now that’s just the part of me that’s sympathetic to adverts, as you can tell where this is going, I’ll just go ahead and say it. Perfume adverts. Although a simple ‘what the fuck is happening’ could cover it, I should probably go further. I’ve always wondered how women picked their perfume, if all they had to go by was the adverts, the logical part of my brain would probably explode. How do you look at a girl with a seriously bad case of OCD chasing a balloon because it's the same colour as her clothing, and have ANY idea what the perfume smells like? Is there some kind of scratch and smell thing built in to the TV that I’ve never been informed about, so each time the advert comes on, women have to rapidly scramble towards the TV and scratch it like a crack addict trying to get a fix from a huge wall of salt? They could at least say in the advert about what it vaguely smells like, so long as they don’t go all Bold on my arse.

The only advert in my life I actually remember making me angry enough to throw the remote through TV was one by Bold. It started off fine, describing the washing machine crap to whoever was interested. It then said how the fluid stuff they were selling made your clothes smell like white diamond.
White.
Fucking.
Diamond.
For those who aren’t familiar, white diamond is a rock. Rocks don’t smell of anything.