Seriously, what isn’t a conspiracy? 9/11 was caused by jealous flying towers, J.F.Kennedy was actually killed by a homicidal clown on a unicycle, and Hitler was a re-incarnation of the only bad person anyone can remember in the history of forever…HIMSELF. People seem to have this crazy need to believe in some kind of ridiculous alternate reality, because obviously, the government, the media, and everyone around them is lying their stupid faces off (although I don’t blame them, seeing how real life is so immensely boring). Personally, I don’t believe in almost ANY conspiracies, and even if some of them were right, would I actually care? (The answer is no).
Now to those who know me, they might be familiar with me saying “gays are a conspiracy made by the government, who are a conspiracy made by aliens, who are a conspiracy made by gays.” I would like to make it clear before you point out my hypocritical ways, I have very serious evidence to support this. So much evidence, that you may as well label it fact right here and now (there’s probably some secret society somewhere that does that).
‘Gays’, are merely people paid by the government to go to parties, raves, etc, to dress as vibrantly and as feminine as possible, and to talk like they have man-vegetables shoved in their nose. Now you’re probably wondering why on earth the government would pay people to do this? Well it’s simple. To prove to people they’ll tolerate whatever bullshit is thrown at them, BECAUSE THAT’S ALL WE WANT IN A GOVERNMENT REALLY, ISN’T IT? Even in the face of an impossibly abstract and degrading concept (by which I mean gays), they still show how they let them go around shoving their man-breadsticks in other men’s man-buns (I’ll stop referring to sexual organs as food now).You ever wondered why there’s no gays in Russia? They simply don’t give a shit about tolerance. So our government, entirely to get the public on their side, pays thousands of people to essentially ruin their lives. This gives me an idea…
But wait, there’s more. The very government that pays the gays to exist, doesn’t even exist themselves. Gordon Brown? No that’s just CGI. Barack Obama? Simply a doll. With very long strings. That go all the way into space. To ALIENS no less. The aliens sit there, wondering how to manipulate mankind next, laughing their arses off they pour taxes into a large furnace, and watch with pity as we comply with their absurd rules. The little green things simply can’t get enough of us clawing at each other’s eyes because they told us to. Heck, why do you think all politicians sound so boring? Aliens just make all their voices through a Microsoft Sam-esque program (recently it had to be upgraded to add a button on the side that says – ‘BLACKENISE’).
Now them aliens, not quite all they seem to be. In actual fact, they themselves are made up by gays. Gays are evidently fed up with the constant stream of attention from the media, popular culture, and brain-dead 14 year-olds, and so invented the myth that is: ALIENS. The idea of government controlling aliens obviously excites them, in many ways, and it draws attention away from themselves, which they obviously don’t want. So the whole theory of aliens has appeased the homosexuals, and bamboozled the nation. Way to go homosexuals, you’ve truly earned this victory.
(The above statements are 100% fact and anyone that attempts to say otherwise is a filthy conspirator…bellend)
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