Now there’s only one thing I hate more than blogs, and that’s one million things including ‘vlogs’. Vlogs (otherwise known as video blogs) are simply that, someone recording themselves on a camera talking about their feelings on something or even worse *shudders* about HOW THEIR DAY WAS. I don’t care how even my closest of friend’s day was, I don’t even care how MY day was, so why in the name of iGod©, would I care about how some spotty, American, ignorant, Call Of Duty playing 14 year old’s day was. The only way I would care is if they went to a funeral full of mourning bears that were kept alive by drugs and holding clipboards and then the said vlogger went around on the side of the motorway wearing a sandwich board that proclaimed ‘Help me I need money for bear drugs…and clipboards’. THEN I might care. YouTube has become a cesspit for these impossibly frequent and nauseating videos, you might as well call it You(‘re a twat)tube…(it seemed funny at the time). Yet somehow, people enjoy them, such as our very own Failboatskipper , who has spammed me with this shit countless times. All I have to do is simply see the preview picture for the video and it causes me to stare out my window, either wondering where the world went wrong or contemplating leaping out of it (which sadly I can’t do now anyway because some smart-arsed builders who were fixing the gutter fixed it a bit too well so now I cant open my window enough to get an arm out. Suppose I could just open it and hope fresh air comes in, I don’t think my immune system would be able to take that).
But wait, no, if you haven’t thrown up in disgust by how awful these vloggers are/ my ignorance/my pathetic attempt at changing YouTube’s name, then you’ll possibly be slightly delighted to know that it does indeed get worse. All of a sudden…BOOM. /b/ flies through the window (not mine obviously) and screams at all the vloggers how they’re anonymous, legion, and surprisingly alike to vloggers in their age group and maturity levels. After giving vloggers a fresh kick in the face with a foot riddled with rotten memes and dead skin (that can be lack of originality if you REALLY want to complete the semi-metaphor), the vloggers felt they have the god-given right to pass it onto the world, one abysmal video after the next. I honestly don’t care if you have the capability to say ‘nigger’ every other 3 words, I don’t give the tiniest shit if you like mudkips, and frankly, if you believe you belong to ‘the super secret club that we only know about and are part of known as /b/’, then you’re simply 14. Nothing more to it. (14 counts as a child. AND YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL ABOUT CHILDREN).
Well as I sit here sighing, trying to convince myself I’m the only sane man on the planet (give me a few days, I’ll believe it eventually), I’m left with very few comforts, such as how I’ll be playing the new Batman game tomorrow (yes that counts as a comfort…), or how it’s almost half-term, during which I will be doing shit all, or maybe even how although the internet is plagued with vloggers, at least it isn’t being filled with Halo 3 and Call Of Duty montages, right?
…Oh shit.
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