The Imaginatively And Totally Originally Named Adventures Of Punch God

3 O’ clock, not a regular wake-up time for most people, however Punch God was not in the category for regular people. Declaring it Punch O’Clock, he punched his way out of bed to have his delightful early morning breakfast. Before fighting the shit out of crime. You see, Punch God was no ordinary citizen, for he was *SPOLIER ALERT* the God of punches. He could punch a punch so punchfully that anyone who dared to punch the punch would surely end up punched right in his punch so hard he could never punch again. Punch. So, with the acknowledgement of his incredible abilities, he declared that anyone who dared break the law of justice shall be punished. With a colossal punch to where he saw fit. I’m also not too sure WHY he declared that, but I’m sure there’s some punchilicious reason.

After consuming his manly bacon with the speed and ferocity of a thousand pissed off and hungry gods, who were all really good at punching, he ran outside and waited for the next criminal activity to draw his fists’ attention. He waited and waited. What seems like days passed. He could literally see the mould on the pavement grow as he sat, patiently waiting for crime to meet his fists. It was just past 4 now, and no crime had come. Was this it? Had Punch God finally rid all of *insert shitty town name here* of poor, low-life scum? For a while he considered this, and contemplated a future as a book keeper, but then, suddenly, he saw a figure walking down the pavement. It was a small boy, around 8 years of age, curly black hair; glasses larger than his head and a frame so round you could catch up on your circle theorem while looking at it. At first Punch God disregarded the child as some freak nerd, but then a chilling sensation crept down his spine. One he has only felt before when he is in TRUE mortal-peril, something Punch God doesn’t experience much thanks to the whole God thing. He closer examined the seemingly harmless child crossing the pavement. He stared and stared, giving the child a stare that would immediately put him on the sex offenders list, until suddenly, just as the child was directly opposite Punch God on the pavement, the child’s head snapped to turn towards him, and burning gaze filled with hatred boring into Punch God’s very soul. ‘OH NO’ cried Punch God, ‘IT’S MY ARCH NEMESIS, KICK MASTER!’. Punch God ran for his life, but the Kick Master was far too quick. He kicked Punch God in the back of the head, farted on his balls, then walked off laughing, like the evil, malevolent child he is, causing Punch God to cry for days.

‘Someday’ exclaimed Punch God, ‘I will get my revenge…’ And then he continued sobbing and eating more ice cream.